RIDING DRAG / DEAR SANTA

Dear Santa,

I know you are just trying to do your job, but do you think you could see your way clear to not land on the barn roof this Christmas? Last year the clattering of your reindeer and sleigh caused quite an expensive mess. My chickens must have thought that the barn was going to collapse on them and in their fright fourteen of them died from the over-exertion of trying to escape. (This cost us in loss of eggs and meat for our Sunday dinners.) The commotion caused the horses to blow up and kick holes in the walls of their stalls and the barn door thus injuring them to the tune of a $700 veterinary bill. (By the way, the Vet really hates coming out to do her job on a holiday!) The goat was so upset by all the other confusion that she jumped up on the feed barrels and knocked them over. The old cow, who was the most calm in the midst of all this, proceeded to eat grain to the point of bloat. (Please note this added another $250 to the Vet bill.

Startled by the noise, my husband and I leapt from our bed and ran for the door. We collided in the process and I received a black eye from his elbow. Husband dashed across the yard to the barn and in an effort to yank open the horse-damaged door, herniated himself. (Did I mention that emergency rooms are very crowded and expensive on a holiday? Also, did I tell you none of this is covered by insurance as there is no provision in our policy that covers our property or livestock in the event of damages caused by a mythical being?)

Each year we ask simply for peace on earth, healthy animals and good crop weather. Each year you bring us Chia-pets and fruitcake. We don’t want to sound unfriendly, but this has got to stop. We recommend that you get a one ton diesel truck and a stock trailer. These do not frighten our livestock. We also recommend honking before you get out of the truck as our cow-dog is getting old and has become very aggressive with strangers in furry red suits. (Nothing personal, he’s just doing his job.) As for all previous damages, we are willing to absorb the costs and chock it all up as part of what it takes to live our rural lifestyle. However, you need to be made aware that there are laws against trespassing and we have discussed our options with the District Attorney. (He’s just doing his job too.)
We hope you have a wonderful holiday season.

The 4DH Ranch Family


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RIDING DRAG with DEBRA COPPINGER HILL is featured each week at ALWAYS COWBOY where Debra is a Resident Western Poet. Join her and her Cowboy Friends for Cowboy Poetry, News & Events. http://alwayscowboy.net/debra_coppinger_hill_poetry.html